Last night the mummy kept us up watching the Game Show Network. There was a Price is Right marathon on.

I've had the theme stuck in my head all day. I would have been happier if that mummy had strangled us.

We were all too afraid to go out and tell him to turn it down. No one wanted to see that mummy watching TV with his dried up eyes.

When the morning came, we walked outside to find the mummy in the box right where we left him. It looked like he had trashed the rest of the apartment.

There was an open box of Oreos and a bunch of half eaten cookies on the table. Beside it was an empty carton of milk.

It looked like he had been drinking it right out of the container.

We went into the kitchen to find a bunch of tortilla chips and Cheerios scattered across the floor. This mummy is a total slob.

Gerald and I had to get to work, so Matt said he'd clean up. I thought it was only fair, as he was the one who wanted to keep the stupid thing.

Gerald and I spent all day at work Googling mummies. I used a bunch of different keywords to see if I could find out who our houseguest was:

"sloppy pharoah"
"messy pharoah"
"sloppy king egypt"

etc.

All Gerald found was a place you could order Yummy Mummy cereal in bulk. That stuff has been of the market for 15 years or so and Gerald was ready to order a case of it.

I figured he'd probably eat one bowl, find out it was stale, and leave the rest of the case in the corner of the kitchen until someone threw a tablecloth on it and turned it into a wet bar or something.

I told him they took that cereal off the shelf because kids who ate it were going blind. It seemed to work.

We got home and the mummy was still in his box. Matt said he hadn't seen it move all day.

Matt had equipped all the cabinets and the fridge with those baby-proof locks in the hopes that would keep the mummy from making a mess again. I don't know why he's already doing stuff to piss the thing off, but I'm also not the one who's going to have to pick up after it.